Starting New

Cleaning my space to begin a new project is a much less talked about part of the artistic process. Maybe that’s because for a lot of artists it’s not an important one. Simply a task that needs completing. But for me, it’s crucial.

I have a hard time letting pieces go. Having the inability to make realistic standards for myself makes it hard for me to evaluate my art as a whole. I cannot tell you whether a is good or bad, strong or weak. So I tend to hold onto everything. It’s also hard to throw things away that I’ve spent many sleepless nights and long days making. These doubts and fears as an artist clutter my mind much like old pieces and scraps of ideas crowd my studio.

This is why I think cleaning my space is so freeing. While my hands move to clean my mind wanders. It gives me time to work through my thoughts about old pieces, and towards the end of cleaning, I always find it easier to begin approaching a new work.

As I start my senior year and Thesis, this has been particularly important. It’s the first real step to becoming a self-sufficient artist and I have this crippling fear that I will not be enough. That my skills are not far enough along for me to successfully express what I am trying to convey to the viewer. Most of all that my art is not good enough to even be given the opportunity to speak.

I thought of this all as I cleaned. My fears about Thesis. My wants for the future. But most of all what I wanted to focus on this year, and what I hoped to gain from the experience. By the end of it all, though I still don’t know what will happen this year, I at least feel more ready to tackle my fears and head into the unknown.